The Truth of the Marriage Vows

Couples who want to enter into the sacrament of matrimony and are preparing for marriage, must reflect on the wedding vows that they will utter before the altar, in the presence of God. It is also good for married to do the same. The marriage vows will show them the path to their conjugal spirituality.

The first thing the priest says to couples at the start of the exchange of vows is this: He tells the couple: may I ask you to answer truthfully the following questions. Couples must approach the sacrament of matrimony in truth, truthfully, must live it truth, that is, true to what christian marriage is supposed to be. The wedding vows must be uttered truthfully. Marriage is a sacramental sign of God's mystery and therefore it must be lived in truth. This is the first thing that those preparing for marriage and their so-called "wedding coordinators" must keep in mind. Do not invent your own rite. Do not invent your wedding vows. Marriage is not just a mere ceremony that you can tailor according to your whims and fantasies. Remember: you are not the author of the sacrament of marriage, God is. So respect God's intentions. Marriage is a sacrament. It is not just a show.

Then, the priest turns to the man and woman (respectively) and asks each of them this question: "______, have you come here of your own free will to bind yourself forwever in the service and love of your wife (husband)?" Couples must enter the sacrament of marriage not only in truth but also in freedom. Why freedom? Because marriage involves of the part of each spouse a giving of self in love that is impossible without freedom. Love is always free. We cannot force someone to love us. No one, nothing, must force you into marriage because it involves your gift of yourself to another. (Please take note: that the girl has gotten pregnant is no necessary reason why she get married. The decision to marry must be based on true love and it must be an act that is free. So parents, be careful. By forcing your daughters to get married because they have gotten pregnant, you might be forcing them into marriage and condenming them to a life of misery.)

Next, the priest ask the couple respectively: "___, do you give yourself to her/him as her/his wife/husband? Do your accept her/him as your lawful wife/husband?" Marriage involves the reciprocal and mutual self-giving and acceptance between husband and wife. Total self-giving and acceptance, that is. This is why marriage is indissoluble and permanent (for life). This is why adultery is so evil because it violates this promise of giving oneself totally to your spouse. This is also the reason why the Church never approves of contraception and divorce.

Then, the priest asks the couple: "Are you both ready to accept the children whom God will give you?" Married couples then must be open to life, to the gift of new life with which God will bless their union. They must be ready to become God's partners in the generation of new life.

John Paul II says that the child born out of the one flesh union of husband and wife, born out of their total self-giving and acceptance is the "incarnation" of their love for one another. The couples' love for one another is life-giving, as the love of the God, the Creator, is the source of all life and creation. The couples' love is life-giving in imitation of the love of Jesus, who came and laid down his life for us, that we in turn live, and have life in abundance.

We see then that the "language" of the married vows speak of mutual self-giving and acceptance, it speaks of fidelity and permanence and it speaks of openess to the gift of life. Uttering and living your vows truthfully means being truthful to the vows.

Now, John Paul II (following the teachings of the Church) re-affirms, that the marriage vows you profess to each other before the altar, "takes on flesh," is "enfleshed" so to speak, in your conjugal act. Sexual intercourse must speak the same language of your vows. Your conjugal act must also speak of mutual self-giving and acceptance, fidelity, permanence and openess to life.